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New Airline Upgrades

Fifteen minutes into the on-line-boarding-pass-printing process, one encounters the following options:

 

Seat with no baby within ten rows – $25

Seat not next to fat person – $10

Seat next to nymphomaniac – $200

Priority exiting during emergency – $45

 

Flight instruction – $150/half hour

Taxiing – $10 minute

Landing practice – $1000

Skydiving – $200

 

In flight entertainment

Barrel roll – $300 per roll

Zero gravity – $500 per minute

Buzz the White House – $50,000 plus legal costs

Hitting golf balls off the stern – $250 per bucket

 

In flight services

Dinner with the Captain – $75 per person, minimum party size 4

Marriage ceremony – $250

Lap dance by flight attendant – $100 per song