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Home Zoshchenko's Feuilleton Impudence - translation

Impudence - translation

1927

Impudence


Here, recently, a Young Communist Unit sorted out a domestic matter concerning one young communist.

This guy showed himself from a disadvantageous perspective. He was going out with three girls and promised to marry all of them. And he himself had long been married, and furthermore at home a baby fussed in a cradle.

About the baby and the wife he did not say anything in confiding to the girls, and he wove out to them different tales about his lonely bachelor life.

To one he wove that he was the secretary of an ambassador. And that he would take her to Riga. Where he would buy her several pair of stockings. To another, having insinuated himself into favor, also something is awkward. In short, a bad apple and a Don Juan.

A Don Juan, according to bourgeois literature, is a special son of a bitch, who immediately offers to take care of all ladies.

Here's our young communist, who inhabits Sand Street, spreads his web on all the corners, doesn’t rue. Frequents the movie theatre. Goes on dates. Lies. Candy cracks. And thinks that it will be just like this until old age.

But rumors began to reach the Young Communist Unit: Indeed, the behavior of this young communist was quite unworthy, because it introduced a few pairs of women to cheating.

Here, they summon our young communist to the Young Communist Unit and say to him various words:

— Explain the person you are, and why you have some stuff there?

The young communist says:

— Very, — he says, — weird.  This, — he says, — is entirely my personal business, and to me, — he says, — it is simply amazing to hear what you are adhering to me. For me, — he says — there are no criminal matters. I am formally dumbfounded by your complaint.

And, it means, he exits in full indignation.

Only soon he will discover that, with these young communists, happens a completely already unbeautiful story.

One woman hits him in the face, or, to put it correctly, on the snout, makes for him a scene in a public place, and, in general, organizes a scandal.

Then the Unit decides to energetically take up the matter. And establishes a comrade’s court and proceedings.

They summon to the court this young communist, but he resists.

— To me already, —he says – they smashed in my face, and they will bring me to trial. It is very, — he says, — astonishing - such excellent lawyers they found.

And on the day appointed, in place of an appearance, he sends a statement.

The statement reads:

"Comrades, I think that you are doing extremely ill, interfering in my private affairs. For this reason, I do not consider it possible to remain within the narrow confines of the Komsomol.  My political beliefs are still with me, regardless of membership card.

Naturally, they scrutinize this paper at the meeting.  There were smiles and laughter. A few of the guys are surprised by the impudence and stupidity.

And, in a word, they choose not to detain the man in the narrow bounds of the ВЛКСМ (All Union Leninist Young Communist League).

So now, no doubt, the impudent, party-less young man is still doing his business.

But to no purpose, comrades, did they release him. It was necessary to teach him a lesson the first time properly.